yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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