Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
