i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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