I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
