I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
