these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
