I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
