I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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