i permit you to call me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
