hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
