my phone needs a breathalizer
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
