Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
