please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
