My room smells like vodka and shame
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
