when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
