He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
