all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
