I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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