She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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