Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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