There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You ruined the universe
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
