i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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