id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
