life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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