id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
