I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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