Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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