well you can't waste a boner
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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