She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
These tits shall not be calmed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
