dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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