I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
