I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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