someone threw a dead crab at me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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