im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
