awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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