The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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