I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
