my phone needs a breathalizer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Even my vagina gasped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
