Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
