dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
