I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
