ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
