I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
