Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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