I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
