Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
