I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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