I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
