i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
