You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
