I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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