"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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