I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
