Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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