I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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