he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
