so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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