He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
