Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
