if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
