Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
