i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
