Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
