dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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