You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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