Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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