God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
